Hey this is me, vs this is the world

I am sitting in my room. Sometimes I can't wait until college is done and then other times I don't want it to end. I guess its that sort of feeling. In the end I wonder how well we really know each other. I mean as people how opened are we to one an other. Do we really tell each other everything. I know I don't. I only tell people things sometimes I don't tell them all of the things. Maybe that is a good thing. Maybe that keeps us from getting hurt. Then we end up hurting other people. I know things have been skewed. I miss- interperate, and others do as well. There is not this full communication. I just spelled a word wrong yeah I know. I wish that we could fully get out what there needs to be. It seems like that will never happen. For the simple fact of we all see things differently. We all have our views. One thing I will ask people, just because you see this one thing as such, does not mean I do. I am different than you. Don't say well you have to of known you were doing this. No because I do not see things the same way as you. I am Lina, and you are either Jake, Mary, Ellie, or insert your name here. We do not think the same way. No one does. We both should strive to understand the other person. Don't make them feel bad for the way they see things. I mean is that girl playing with emotions or is she just being open about how she feels? ASK HER!? Don't judge her or make her feel like she is the wrong one. You are the wrong one in my mind. She just needs to asked nicely what she is doing. If she is unaware of something like that happening. Chances are she is not doing what you see her doing. Its because we are all so different! Its a good thing yes. So you can do two things. You can be her friend, and know that sometimes she does not realize that she being to honest. Maybe she is working on that. Or you could just chose not to be in her life. Which I think that would be a jerk thing to do. I mean it would be another thing if she actually was trying to hurt people. I have that problem. Sometimes something sounds good in my head, but when said. It sounds totally different. We all are capable of doing that. Some of us do it more so than others. Not our fault, we sometimes even try working on that. That is up to us though to do so. Not to anyone else. See people just need to chill out and stop telling other what they should do in that aspect.

Confession of a Lina

Confession: So I guess I am not as nice as I thought I was. Or maybe this other person has a skewed memory of events. In all actuality it seems to be they brought up the topic. More or less yes I tease sometimes, but that is just what I do. I do say things that may not sound too nice, but I don't realize it. In my head they sound fine. They don't sound mean. I don't get that sometimes. Things sound differently to people. I understand that. People that I am friends with understand that for the most part. I do not have a negative intent. Don't tell me what I mean, because I know what I mean. If you want to know what I mean then just ask. Don't tell me that I have to know that I am not being to nice. Also don't tell me that I like to play upon peoples emotions. When in all reality I don't. Things are said, and people take them the wrong way. I don't play with peoples emotions. I am the last person to do so. I also don't lead people on. If that is what they think, then that is what they think. I can't control that either way. Don't just assume that someone is one way. When they are not.

Annoying girl in class + men and stuff

Sitting in class, and having to listen to Hannah yap. She thinks she is so cute. I have to hear her like twice a day on Mondays and Wednesdays. I don't get how girls like that have guys like them. Ok well the guys that like girls like that are normally guys that like to punch stuff and pretend they are all strong. You know the guy that is into NASCAR and cowboy belt buckles. Or the type of guy that plays football, and thinks that is life. What I like in a guy is someone that is sweet. He is not all bronze and no brain. I want the typical nice guy. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He knows how to treat a lady. Someone that is soft inside and out. I know how weird this sounds. I have dated the jock type, I don't like that type. A nice guy is a nice guy. I don't only go for men. Women like Hannah irritate me. I seriously do not understand how male or female like her. I guess this is just my rant of the day. Or there will be more.

Mushy gushy love and such

I have been thinking a lot about things. I mean since I talked to Trevor again I met someone really cool. Her name is Trisha. Maybe things like people being in our lives is true. Maybe certain people being in our lives are true. I mean I have been going through a lot and Trisha has offered to help. That is really nice of her to take in someone that she barely knows. I often wonder what she knows. I know she knows a lot. I am also thinking about that to get my friend Tonee for his birthday. So many things going on in my head.

I have thinking about love lately. There are so many guys that are not good for me. I wonder who is the one that is my missing piece. The one that completes me. I have some ideas, but what if I am wrong. I sometimes wonder if I am going to be a cat lady. Finding love has never been a thing I am good at. I want someone to think of me every now again. I want someone to show that they care. I am a girl damn it. I want people to see that, and not just see other things. Yes I am a humanist, but that does not mean I am not someone who wants to have that special care. I find it really really sweet. I am a true romantic.

This and that

I have been wanting to write in my blog more and more. I feel bad that I haven't. Sometimes we have to be careful what we say. Sometimes there is no need for that. I guess what I am trying to say is why should we care about what people think? People will accept you if they are the right people for you. That is what I am told. I am not sure if that is true. Is that just some candy coded thing people tell us to make us feel better. Maybe it makes them feel better for some weird reason.

Sometimes I wonder what my friend Tonee is thinking. He is very interesting. At the same time he knows how to push my buttons. Like when he says he is taller, when he isn't. I sometimes get looped in what he says and lose all since. Its quite interesting. I always have fun hanging out with him. He can get aggravating though. I guess we all can to a point .

The world unknown

I am reading Warm Bodies. Some of the concepts are weird. In general it is a good book. It really makes me think. I sometimes wish I could be like R and not feel. Just being numb is good enough in itself. That is not life though. He realizes that. Even though he is a zombie I think he is more human than most people. Reading the book has given me hop for my future. The past is memories, and the future is hope. Hope is the opposite of memories. I love how Julie says that. I agree with her. Sure life may suck now, but I have to find away to make it better. I have to do it myself. I can't rely on other people. I think Julie makes that point how if the humans want a better life for themselves that they are going to have to find it. That is what I am doing. I am finding it. With anyway I possibly can. Really the world is unknown to us. We don't know what is going to happen to it or if it is going to end. I guess when it does just be ready for it. I mean its weird I am reading this, and I am thinking that it wouldn't be to bad being a zombie. I guess in the end if we were zombies we wouldn't know any better. Or would we? This is only a pipe dream. Something that may or may not happen.

The book is short. I got it in PDF. The writer does have some weird time lapses. Its a bit rushed, but it is really good. The book is also really weird. It was most likely a good thing that they took a lot of that out when they made the movie. I liked it in the book, but it may not have played out right in the movie. The Boneys are a bigger threat in the book it seems like. They are the form of government that the Zombies have, because they are the elders. R is actually supposed to be the business man, and M is supposed to be unemployed. Either was Nicolas Hoult looks good in what he wore, and he looks fine in a suit. The characters for the most part seem well developed. I am not done with the book. I am very close, but I am trying to savor it. Perry plays an important part in the book. It's like he is talking to R. Telling him certain things that are important. He also tells R to keep Julie safe. I thought that was sweet. The stages of R turning human, they are very noticeable. I love it. Its just cute.

Waiting

Sometimes when you are waiting for things. It gets to be straining. Like when you tell someone something and you are waiting for their response.. It could either make it or brake it. Maybe things will not change, and they will be the same. Sometimes their is inner conflict. I hate when that happens. I personally have that a lot. I don't know what to do sometimes. Personally may day went pretty well. I am happy. I got out of the house and did things. I am also laying off of pop. Instead I am drinking tea. That is much better anyway. I feel like there is always self improvement. I am trying to better myself right now. Not for anyone, but for me. I am starting to come into myself, and who I am. Its like this girl who did me wrong in 10th grade, well things are not going well for her. I know that she had a bad home life. The thing she did not do that I did was break the circle. I know to better a better I had to do that. By breaking the circle I am beginning to know who I am. Now I am just waiting for other things that have to be waited on. Only time will tell at this point.

remaining thoughts

I am thinking more about what I did last night per say. Sometimes When you do things you regret them. I really don't know if it is a mistake. Just maybe a thought. Anyway I just woke up not to long ago. So I felt like posting. I have been in the writing mood. One of my professors loves to blog and what not. She had a blog for years. I figured I should start writing in this one again. Things have been happening to me lately. I had to get away from my mother. I am 19 years old. I figured that I am an adult. It is just a place that is not good for me to be in. I don't want to be that type of person to fallow in their mother's foot steps. The reason for that is she is everything that I do not want to be. I want to break the chain. I don't like it when people are like well she is your mother. I am like if you lived my life you would understand. My point is if someone treats you badly you don't want to be around them. She was abusing her power. She took being my "mother" for granted. A mother doesn't make their child feel like they are nothing. They don't try to emotionally drain you. Mothers don't tell you that you are nothing, and all you are is just selfish and worthless. I won't be a part of it. I am better than that. I see someone more as my mom than my actual mom. My actual mom may have given birth to me, but she was never a mother. The lady I am referring to is one of my professors. She is everything that I won't to be. It is weird telling her that. I don't know if I am able to do that. I don't know how she would take it. I already made one confession. Making another would be hard enough. I guess it wouldn't be. I am going to let that one wait. Maybe I will post that one on her. Blogging it makes it easier. I guess it feels like a shield. It just makes me feel better in general. It's almost like talking people, but not really. They are reading what I wrote, but they don't have to say anything back. If anyone reads it. I guess it doesn't matter.

Thing that are on my mind

I know I don't write in her too often. I just outed myself. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I had some feelings to get off my chest now I play the waiting game. It is really weird to think about. You don't want people to judge you too harshly, but if they care about you they won't. Its something to think about. I often think about it. It suck trying to figure out who actually cares and who doesn't. Is that what we have to wait for? Life is never easy. I have always understood that. I understand a lot about life. I am young as well. I had to grow up fast when I was a kid. I didn't have much of a childhood. Now I am here. Sometimes I wonder why. Other times it is easy not to think about.

Confessions are always hard. I had just done one. I feel better right now. I just don't know if that is going to crash and burn. I thought it was a good idea at the time? Do I think so now? Only time will tell. I don't think this person is going to hurt me by any means, but at the same time I could have really weirded them out. I mean I weirded myself out as well. I do that one a daily bases. I see this person as someone the I can talk to about anything. Then there was something that came up that just hurt me. I didn't know why. Now I do. Well I guess I always knew. At first I guess I never wanted it to be that. I had to make myself realize this. After I did. I figured it was best to be honest. Hopefully nothing is ruined by it.