Treatment of others

It amuses me how people can be complete assholes to others just to make themselves feel better. In all not one is better than anyone. We all have the potential to be good people, and to be bad. I sometimes wonder why people have to treat others like the are nothing. I don't get it. Is because I am a woman? Its like you don't know me, so don't try to put words in my mouth. I guess I am just done caring about those people. It would be the best for us all not to pay mind to them. That is what they want. They are attention seekers. It's like their mothers did not love them enough when they were kids. That may not be the case at all. For any reason we should not treat each other like that. We are all people and deserve to be treated as such.

Keith spoiler, and other deep thoughts.

I was watching this movie called Keith. It made me think. This girl was in love with this guy. It did not start out as that way. He had always had a crush on her. Their AP Chem teacher knew Keith was sick, so he did as Keith wished, and set him up with Natalie. As they hung out more, you could see how she started to like him. She had a lot going for her, but she started going through things. Natalie did not know what was going on with Keith. She threw away her relationship with Raff for Keith. I felt for her when she found out he was going to die. The look on his face when she said she made love to him was just this sad look. She promised to spend the rest of his life with him. Which was not long. This movie made me think about my own feelings about Robin. Yes the boy I have been total head over heels with name is Robin. That would totally suck if anything like that happened to him. I have strong feelings for him. These feelings have not been felt in what feels like ever. Maybe they were never felt before. It shows how you can talk to a person over a month and a half's time, and really have strong feelings for them. I mean it kind of was an online relationship. Just two people chatting back and forth through phone and Facebook. We knew who each other were. After all we did go to high school together. Sometimes I wonder what he would think if I told him about these strong feelings. I think he would more than alright with them. It's hard to imagine back in freshman year. The thought of us would have just been odd. Now its a reality. The real meaning of this blog is to talk about how life is short. We never know when we are going to lose someone. Robin is someone I do not ever want to lose so suddenly, and abruptly. It would be crushing.

Sunday Night

I had an amazing weekend. Sunday was the best day that I have had in a while. It is weird how you can know of someone for three years. That is just it we knew of each other. We had classes together, but that was about it. Forwarding to the present day, we click. Sunday would be a great example. We had been texting for awhile. I felt like I got to know him that way. He was the first person to really confuse me. I did not know how he felt. One day I just had to ask. It was eating me a live. I was afraid that he would not feel the same. That was not the case at all. Now getting back to Sunday... It was wonderful we were sitting in his room kind of cuddling, watching Portlandia. Then he turns to me and asks if he could kiss me. That said something to me just then. I mean most men would just for it. He was considerate. Most would have just gone for it. I know he did not want to make it awkward, but he didn't. He made it better. He made me think more highly of him. I mean in a society like ours there is pressure on both people to be more sexual. When in fact you do not have to be. You can just be comfortable. After he kissed me, he asked me out. I was just in awe. He was just so sweet. I couldn't ask for anyone better.

Time goes on and on

Nervousness is another form of adrenaline. That is what I am dealing with right ow. I am so excited. I normally don't blog twice in one day. I really do not know why. I guess maybe I don't want take too much time. Right now I am just waiting. Time goes on so slowly. It sucks why can't 12:30 come? It is like the time lords are laughing at me. Damn you Matt Smith!!! He is so cruel to me right now... That was a Doctor Who joke... In case anyone did not get it. Yeah it is obvious that I am bored... Well I am really excited and have a lot of energy. I think that one is easy to tell in my righting. It was like that one time when I was talking to an old class mate MeMe. It was when I still went on My Space. I was hyper, and it was hella noticeable. To each there own.

New beginnings

        I have not written in my blog for awhile. I am so excited about today. I have been talking to this really nice guy for  a bit now. He is really chill. I went to high school with him. I never talked to him high school. Different friends I guess. When I was in high school, most of my friends were older. Ok well they still are. Anyway we have a lot in common. It is finally reassuring to find someone that it clicks. He checks out ok. I was talking to a friend of main and they were saying that I am a glass flower I should find someone that can handle a woman that is soft. I will admit I am sensitive. I am also a old fashion kind of person. Not just in the way that I dress, but the way I present myself. I dislike it when people just want casual sex from me. It is not going to happen. Something like that should be with someone that you care about. That is what I personally think for myself. I maybe an Atheist, but I have morals. I have thoughts and beliefs that I hold seriously. I feel like he gets that. He is chill with who I am as a person.

Things on my mind

I can't help to think my friend Adam is right about my friend Derek. I mean Derek was like you are lucky I chose you. Its like "hey I am my own woman." I guess he thinks he owns me. He then went on to say how he had chances to be with other women, but haven't. I've had chances to be with other people and I have. I mean gets insanely jealous of my guy friends. It gets really annoying. I mean don't bash my friends. They are all special to me. Like my friend Tonee, he is one of the biggest sweethearts. I wish he would just go out there and date. I get his reasons. He is going to find his princess, and they are going to live happily ever after. Derek and Tonee are way different. I think more women should find guys like Tonee. I often think about how kind he is, and how lucky I am to have a friend like him. More men can take lessons from him.

excitement of sorts

OMG I felt my face blush. It was an experience. There is a reason behind it. Anyway, so I was hanging out with a certain fedora gentleman, and we were talking about something kind of person. A friend of ours is trying to get us together, and he was saying how it wouldn't be bad. It made me blush like no other. I kind of wanted to hide my face. I mean I totally agree with him. It was something that I felt that I had to blog about. I know its not a long post. I mean it is weird how everything happened. It is the end of the semester and summer is coming. So yeah things. >.<

Hey this is me, vs this is the world

I am sitting in my room. Sometimes I can't wait until college is done and then other times I don't want it to end. I guess its that sort of feeling. In the end I wonder how well we really know each other. I mean as people how opened are we to one an other. Do we really tell each other everything. I know I don't. I only tell people things sometimes I don't tell them all of the things. Maybe that is a good thing. Maybe that keeps us from getting hurt. Then we end up hurting other people. I know things have been skewed. I miss- interperate, and others do as well. There is not this full communication. I just spelled a word wrong yeah I know. I wish that we could fully get out what there needs to be. It seems like that will never happen. For the simple fact of we all see things differently. We all have our views. One thing I will ask people, just because you see this one thing as such, does not mean I do. I am different than you. Don't say well you have to of known you were doing this. No because I do not see things the same way as you. I am Lina, and you are either Jake, Mary, Ellie, or insert your name here. We do not think the same way. No one does. We both should strive to understand the other person. Don't make them feel bad for the way they see things. I mean is that girl playing with emotions or is she just being open about how she feels? ASK HER!? Don't judge her or make her feel like she is the wrong one. You are the wrong one in my mind. She just needs to asked nicely what she is doing. If she is unaware of something like that happening. Chances are she is not doing what you see her doing. Its because we are all so different! Its a good thing yes. So you can do two things. You can be her friend, and know that sometimes she does not realize that she being to honest. Maybe she is working on that. Or you could just chose not to be in her life. Which I think that would be a jerk thing to do. I mean it would be another thing if she actually was trying to hurt people. I have that problem. Sometimes something sounds good in my head, but when said. It sounds totally different. We all are capable of doing that. Some of us do it more so than others. Not our fault, we sometimes even try working on that. That is up to us though to do so. Not to anyone else. See people just need to chill out and stop telling other what they should do in that aspect.

Confession of a Lina

Confession: So I guess I am not as nice as I thought I was. Or maybe this other person has a skewed memory of events. In all actuality it seems to be they brought up the topic. More or less yes I tease sometimes, but that is just what I do. I do say things that may not sound too nice, but I don't realize it. In my head they sound fine. They don't sound mean. I don't get that sometimes. Things sound differently to people. I understand that. People that I am friends with understand that for the most part. I do not have a negative intent. Don't tell me what I mean, because I know what I mean. If you want to know what I mean then just ask. Don't tell me that I have to know that I am not being to nice. Also don't tell me that I like to play upon peoples emotions. When in all reality I don't. Things are said, and people take them the wrong way. I don't play with peoples emotions. I am the last person to do so. I also don't lead people on. If that is what they think, then that is what they think. I can't control that either way. Don't just assume that someone is one way. When they are not.

Annoying girl in class + men and stuff

Sitting in class, and having to listen to Hannah yap. She thinks she is so cute. I have to hear her like twice a day on Mondays and Wednesdays. I don't get how girls like that have guys like them. Ok well the guys that like girls like that are normally guys that like to punch stuff and pretend they are all strong. You know the guy that is into NASCAR and cowboy belt buckles. Or the type of guy that plays football, and thinks that is life. What I like in a guy is someone that is sweet. He is not all bronze and no brain. I want the typical nice guy. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He knows how to treat a lady. Someone that is soft inside and out. I know how weird this sounds. I have dated the jock type, I don't like that type. A nice guy is a nice guy. I don't only go for men. Women like Hannah irritate me. I seriously do not understand how male or female like her. I guess this is just my rant of the day. Or there will be more.

Mushy gushy love and such

I have been thinking a lot about things. I mean since I talked to Trevor again I met someone really cool. Her name is Trisha. Maybe things like people being in our lives is true. Maybe certain people being in our lives are true. I mean I have been going through a lot and Trisha has offered to help. That is really nice of her to take in someone that she barely knows. I often wonder what she knows. I know she knows a lot. I am also thinking about that to get my friend Tonee for his birthday. So many things going on in my head.

I have thinking about love lately. There are so many guys that are not good for me. I wonder who is the one that is my missing piece. The one that completes me. I have some ideas, but what if I am wrong. I sometimes wonder if I am going to be a cat lady. Finding love has never been a thing I am good at. I want someone to think of me every now again. I want someone to show that they care. I am a girl damn it. I want people to see that, and not just see other things. Yes I am a humanist, but that does not mean I am not someone who wants to have that special care. I find it really really sweet. I am a true romantic.

This and that

I have been wanting to write in my blog more and more. I feel bad that I haven't. Sometimes we have to be careful what we say. Sometimes there is no need for that. I guess what I am trying to say is why should we care about what people think? People will accept you if they are the right people for you. That is what I am told. I am not sure if that is true. Is that just some candy coded thing people tell us to make us feel better. Maybe it makes them feel better for some weird reason.

Sometimes I wonder what my friend Tonee is thinking. He is very interesting. At the same time he knows how to push my buttons. Like when he says he is taller, when he isn't. I sometimes get looped in what he says and lose all since. Its quite interesting. I always have fun hanging out with him. He can get aggravating though. I guess we all can to a point .

The world unknown

I am reading Warm Bodies. Some of the concepts are weird. In general it is a good book. It really makes me think. I sometimes wish I could be like R and not feel. Just being numb is good enough in itself. That is not life though. He realizes that. Even though he is a zombie I think he is more human than most people. Reading the book has given me hop for my future. The past is memories, and the future is hope. Hope is the opposite of memories. I love how Julie says that. I agree with her. Sure life may suck now, but I have to find away to make it better. I have to do it myself. I can't rely on other people. I think Julie makes that point how if the humans want a better life for themselves that they are going to have to find it. That is what I am doing. I am finding it. With anyway I possibly can. Really the world is unknown to us. We don't know what is going to happen to it or if it is going to end. I guess when it does just be ready for it. I mean its weird I am reading this, and I am thinking that it wouldn't be to bad being a zombie. I guess in the end if we were zombies we wouldn't know any better. Or would we? This is only a pipe dream. Something that may or may not happen.

The book is short. I got it in PDF. The writer does have some weird time lapses. Its a bit rushed, but it is really good. The book is also really weird. It was most likely a good thing that they took a lot of that out when they made the movie. I liked it in the book, but it may not have played out right in the movie. The Boneys are a bigger threat in the book it seems like. They are the form of government that the Zombies have, because they are the elders. R is actually supposed to be the business man, and M is supposed to be unemployed. Either was Nicolas Hoult looks good in what he wore, and he looks fine in a suit. The characters for the most part seem well developed. I am not done with the book. I am very close, but I am trying to savor it. Perry plays an important part in the book. It's like he is talking to R. Telling him certain things that are important. He also tells R to keep Julie safe. I thought that was sweet. The stages of R turning human, they are very noticeable. I love it. Its just cute.

Waiting

Sometimes when you are waiting for things. It gets to be straining. Like when you tell someone something and you are waiting for their response.. It could either make it or brake it. Maybe things will not change, and they will be the same. Sometimes their is inner conflict. I hate when that happens. I personally have that a lot. I don't know what to do sometimes. Personally may day went pretty well. I am happy. I got out of the house and did things. I am also laying off of pop. Instead I am drinking tea. That is much better anyway. I feel like there is always self improvement. I am trying to better myself right now. Not for anyone, but for me. I am starting to come into myself, and who I am. Its like this girl who did me wrong in 10th grade, well things are not going well for her. I know that she had a bad home life. The thing she did not do that I did was break the circle. I know to better a better I had to do that. By breaking the circle I am beginning to know who I am. Now I am just waiting for other things that have to be waited on. Only time will tell at this point.

remaining thoughts

I am thinking more about what I did last night per say. Sometimes When you do things you regret them. I really don't know if it is a mistake. Just maybe a thought. Anyway I just woke up not to long ago. So I felt like posting. I have been in the writing mood. One of my professors loves to blog and what not. She had a blog for years. I figured I should start writing in this one again. Things have been happening to me lately. I had to get away from my mother. I am 19 years old. I figured that I am an adult. It is just a place that is not good for me to be in. I don't want to be that type of person to fallow in their mother's foot steps. The reason for that is she is everything that I do not want to be. I want to break the chain. I don't like it when people are like well she is your mother. I am like if you lived my life you would understand. My point is if someone treats you badly you don't want to be around them. She was abusing her power. She took being my "mother" for granted. A mother doesn't make their child feel like they are nothing. They don't try to emotionally drain you. Mothers don't tell you that you are nothing, and all you are is just selfish and worthless. I won't be a part of it. I am better than that. I see someone more as my mom than my actual mom. My actual mom may have given birth to me, but she was never a mother. The lady I am referring to is one of my professors. She is everything that I won't to be. It is weird telling her that. I don't know if I am able to do that. I don't know how she would take it. I already made one confession. Making another would be hard enough. I guess it wouldn't be. I am going to let that one wait. Maybe I will post that one on her. Blogging it makes it easier. I guess it feels like a shield. It just makes me feel better in general. It's almost like talking people, but not really. They are reading what I wrote, but they don't have to say anything back. If anyone reads it. I guess it doesn't matter.

Thing that are on my mind

I know I don't write in her too often. I just outed myself. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I had some feelings to get off my chest now I play the waiting game. It is really weird to think about. You don't want people to judge you too harshly, but if they care about you they won't. Its something to think about. I often think about it. It suck trying to figure out who actually cares and who doesn't. Is that what we have to wait for? Life is never easy. I have always understood that. I understand a lot about life. I am young as well. I had to grow up fast when I was a kid. I didn't have much of a childhood. Now I am here. Sometimes I wonder why. Other times it is easy not to think about.

Confessions are always hard. I had just done one. I feel better right now. I just don't know if that is going to crash and burn. I thought it was a good idea at the time? Do I think so now? Only time will tell. I don't think this person is going to hurt me by any means, but at the same time I could have really weirded them out. I mean I weirded myself out as well. I do that one a daily bases. I see this person as someone the I can talk to about anything. Then there was something that came up that just hurt me. I didn't know why. Now I do. Well I guess I always knew. At first I guess I never wanted it to be that. I had to make myself realize this. After I did. I figured it was best to be honest. Hopefully nothing is ruined by it.